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| Poems Posted by: Driana Lé Souris at 05-21-2015 11:05 AM, Last Modified 05-21-2015 11:05 AM |
~Bleeding~ Written when I was Aliana.
I’m doing it constantly but I’m never writing it down.
I words are afraid to come out, they hide,
like cowards in my head.
I try to push them out,
I try to have them reveal themselves out of the dark corners where they lay,
but with no luck.
They sit,
create themselves,
sit,
and grow.
The words keep forming but they aren’t spilling so I fear I’m becoming boring.
You see, it’s like bleeding internally.
You don’t feel it all at once,
it happens over some time.
Gradually.
Like a goal,
where you have to strive towards it in order to fulfill it.
Except, you aren’t striving for this feeling.
In fact,
you’re trying to avoid this feeling like you would avoid the cold,
bitter breath of death.
But you can’t.
You try to think of the sun,
and the wind,
and the way her skin feels against yours,
and the sound of her laugh
and they way she tells you “I love you.”
But it’s hard,
you don’t feel the touch of her hand,
and you don’t hear the sound of her laugh.
You feel the sadness of your heart.
You try to fix it yourself.
But you can’t.
You try not to worry.
But you can’t.
You try not thinking about it.
But you can’t.
The words haunt you.
It’s like being comatose.
You’re there,
but not quite.
It’s like you’re snow white waiting for the kiss,
but it feels like it might not come to awaken you.
The words tease you.
It’s like being in middle school
and not being able to stand up to the bully.
The thoughts are forming and I can’t fight them off.
I’m terrified,
cold,
and weak.
Your bleeding internally but won’t die because of the wound.
It’s getting bigger.
You want to put the pressure on it that it needs but it’s not around.
The words fade away.
When you think about her smile,
when you think about her laugh,
when you think about her eyes,
when you think about her mouth forming the words
“I’ll never leave you.”
The words fade away
and then you finally feel like you’ll be okay.
I’m bleeding poetry and you’re not here to stop it.
Please come and stop it.
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~Years of Distance~ Written when I was Aliana.
When you left me,
I cut open my chest and extracted my heart.
I began cutting it loose from all the wiring.
Then dizzy from shock I walked to the twisted tree and folded to my knees.
I dug a fresh hole and placed it far from me.
Close to the earth, I close up the grave with my heart barely beating with life underneath.
Stumbling back to the pavement to my house, my breath shallows and falls short in hiccups of life.
Gray falls upon me as I start to sew up the gaping hole in me.
Tying together skin to seem normal.
Ashamed I see the moon joining me once again, he never seems to fail.
He sits on my bed as I scrub the floor clean.
He holds my hair as I vomit.
I clean off my bloody body and put on my nicest clothes.
I shake as I curl my hair and draw makeup on my newly nude face.
I glance at the mirror confirming that no one could see the difference.
Days passed without thought of what I lost.
I felt no pain, I let no one in.
I couldn’t grow a new heart no matter how hard I tried.
I couldn’t love and soon couldn't see.
I grew blind to wisdom and deaf to truth.
I grew lonesome in my prison.
I needed a heart, I need my heart.
I fearfully traveled back to the twisted tree.
Pulling back dirt and newly grown grass, I find the piece of me I extracted so long before.
Hiding it from everyone, even myself.
I brush off the dirt and I heard my heart beat again.
I brought it to my mouth, I blew in air and soon I could see my heart.
Old and familiar.
Making me well again, I realized it was a perfect match.
Without my heart in me beating neither I nor my heart would survive.
Undoing the stitches, I place my heart back into the cupboard of my chest.
Though my heart still holds scars, with time they will heal,
Fading to a distant whisper of tonight’s memories.
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~One Year Later.~ Written when I was Aliana.
A cloud blotched the moon the night my heart mourned when my eyes did not.
I wanted you close to me.
I remember lying on the beach in the dark, so disconnected.
The world fell apart and crumbled through my hands like sand.
I tried to pour concrete in my heart.
My prayer to make the waters still.
Ignoring the fact that I was drowning, I sunk low, my lungs filling with ocean.
I let sharks eat my limbs tearing me apart, leaving something I didn't recognize.
As the boats neared to rescue me I swam deeper ashamed of what I had become.
I hid behind rocks.
I fell apart crying for what I had become wasn't what I ever wanted.
Scared and alone I cried out for help.
I can't do this alone.
My hate turned slowly to mist and, then the waters cleared.
A cone of light shone to the bottom.
Picking myself up I needed redemption.
While swimming to the surface I faced all that lead me to the bottom of that ocean.
Coming close to the surface tired and ready to quit I feel myself being pulled the rest of the way.
Popping my head out of the water the first thing I see is the cloudless moon shining bright on the calm waters.
I look to see what is pulling me.
I see a man with a shadow covering his face.
He holds a smile mixed with concern.
He wraps me in a towel, and we slowly row to shore.
There is silence coming from my questioned filled mouth.
Finally I say how lucky you were there to pull me out.
He looks at me while a shadow still covers his face, "I was there the whole time, sitting right beside you till you decided and that's when I made the waters clear".
The boat pulls ashore and my knees shake as I get up.
He kisses my face and helps me off the boat.
I don't know what to make of the man I can't see, but I feel safe.
My fingers linger on his safe outstretched hand and he whispers I'm always near you.
I stumble away and a cold breath of air makes me turn, the man is gone, but I can feel him all around me.
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~Tears~ Written when I was Aliana
My tears leave me naked as they run down my face.
They remove my clothes and peel off my skin.
They crack open my ribs and photograph my heart.
Making posters and billboards of my feelings for all to see.
They make me crumble, they make me weak.
They make me pitied, they make me glass.
The tears, they shame me.
I cry into a canister making them real and hide them under my bed
so, no one will hear the voices and reasons inside for my tears.
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~Lake Impressions~ Written when I was Aliana.
A breeze falls from the mountain and pushes the sail across the lake.
Her hair of red lies across my lap.
Her eyes wide looking up at me for an answer.
Skin untouched by the setting sun,
she asks if we can spend the night on the lake.
The stars awake with our company keep us in the now,
with plans of a forever.
We whisper loves vow through our tangled fingers,
retreating into the moons glow.
We let go of the world of our boat, as we step out onto the mossy finish of our trail.
I grab her porcelain hand as we venture into the night.
The sound of creatures makes me worry of what we are blind to in the distance,
but not her, with no pause to her step she dances further into the forest.
Twigs crack under our feet marking our path.
I wrap my arms around her to let her know of my strength,
but it's really hers that keeps us moving forward.
The tall pine trees point to the sky above us.
The trail of matted leaves lead us to the shallow end of the lake.
Breaking free of my grip, she slips off her shoes and steps into the deep blue water.
The silk of the water surrounds her waist as she stares off into the night sky.
Turning around she beacons me to join her.
Stepping out into the cold of the lake, she reaches out for my hand.
scared of falling i cling to her fingers.
She pulls me in next to her and settles her eyes on me confessing,
If you love me;
I will be your rock, your strength.
I will always be there for you and with you.
I will catch you if you fall and
I will be strong for you.
But, if love doesn't exist, then why should we?
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